Silent Thoughts

Sometimes I think you are so unfair. You always try to get my attention whenever I stray, yet you never seem to care about others straying. Why does it have to be this way? Can't just the world be fair enough? I remember begging you to take this burden away from me and then I changed my mind. I told you that I would endure all the pain just to have him good again. I said that perhaps you are doing this to me because maybe now he is just too much to bear and you pity me, that is why you are temporarily taking him away from me. And maybe soon when he is better and better than before, you will deliver him to me... and you did deliver him to me. And now, I am so exhausted, I feel like begging you to take him away and somehow, I can sense that you're not gonna grant my request. And I find it funny now. Whatever it is that you have in mind, I trust you. I trust you just please don't make it much painful than it is now. Just don't make it harder than the usual. Please just make me strong and brave enough to accept your will and be able to move on. Just make me better and stronger please. Just make me better. I can be so stupid, I know. Lessen my stupidity. Lessen my pride, my hate, my insecurities. Lessen my being if that could make me better as a person.