NEVERNEVERLAND

I HATE WAKING UP IN THE MORNING.

There seems to be no reason good enough for me to smile today. I woke up unhappy today and for sure the rest of my day would be as damned as my freakin' face. I wish the world would just end or my world would just end. I feel so unhappy and lonely for a month or two now. I really can't understand why I am so damned these past few weeks. I hate coming to work because I hate seeing these freakin' people around me. I hate coming to work and I hate coming to work!!!!!!!!!

I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to be alone and lonely. Sometimes I feel like going out and just going wild and free. Even just for an hour or two. I am so tired of being what I am to other people and what I am to him. I hate being what I am.

I wish I could go back at those hapy momments in my life. Those times when I was just happy and carefree. Those times when I was only worrying about myself. Sometimes, I don't even worry at all. I wish I could just hide in those happy thoughts. I wish to stay in a suspended state of bliss. I wish to stay in Neverneverland and never again to return to wherever it is that I belong. I wish to live in a place where I could just be happy.

I was asking myself today why on hell am I still hanging on in a relationship that is not really gonna work out. Why am I still here when he is ot even making me happy? Lately I feel like shit and he is treating me like one.

I am so confused and so lost. I don't know the way home. Worse, I can't even remember if I ever had a home out there.