BROKEN

How do you let go of someone you wanted to keep so badly, someone you love so much that you would be willing to risk your life and everything else just to make him happy?

It is like dying of cancer. I can feel it slowly taking hold of me and my systems. I can feel it eating me. I am slowly aware that it is about to end.

It is so wrecking to know that you are about to lose something and someone that you love more than your life. I can not explain the depressing feeling of knowing that it is going to end soon and that everything about the two of us will die.

I used to dream but I am too frightened to dream again. I am so frightened that he might not be willing to dream with me. His dreams might not be for me. It might be for himself alone. Or might be for someone else.

A part of me wants to give up and leave him behind. A stupid part of me wants to stay and give it a try. Ever since I met him, he always had been my world and I am terrified to leave everything behind because I might not be able to find comfort in another world. I am scared of what the other worlds might bring me; of what lies ahead of those worlds. I am terrified that I might not be able to move on without him. Terrified that I might be too weak to be alone without him; to have no one else for me.I am just fearful and terrified and frightened and all... I might not have the will and the power to say no once he comes knocking on my door again. I might not be able to bear the pain of losing him or seeing him with somebody else.