same old him again.

Nothing has changed. he still has not changed and I hate myself for loving him still. He still has not sort out his responsibilities. i hate him when he acts as if he is single. I hate it really when he just comes back to me after all those hurtful things he did to me. Just when I had my confidence back, here he comes knocking on my door again.

I pray that I will have the power and the will to leave him behind. I wish that I wouldn't get to see him everyday at work. I wish he no longer works here so I won't be hurt anymore.

I wish to never to ever speak to him again. I wish to never see hm again. I wish I would no longer be affected with anything that concerns him.

I miss him. I miss touching his face, tracing his lips and brows while he is asleep. I am dying to hug him. Dying to kiss him. I am so hurt to see him everyday and not being able to go near him that much. I sometimes can't help but make excuses just to see him. I feel fine now that we're not together but I miss him so much. I miss just being with him and it makes me wanna cry. Two years of marriage is just too soon to end.Yet, they say that I must let go of the burning kettle. Sometimes I wish things would just be great for both of us. I feel so devastated because everything we tried to make something good out of our marriage, things would just crumble and sometimes would even break into a thousands of millions of pieces. Just like now. I heard his voice just a second ago.I feel like bursting into tears. I miss him so much. It seems that he is enjoying our set-up. He looks happy now that I'm gone. Probably he hopes that I'll be gone forever. But I really do wish we could try to work things out again. Piece by piece , you know. Try to make things better. I wanna go back to the very first time I met him, the first HELLO; and all the other first-times that we had like the date, the kiss, the night with him, the marriage proposal and every good memory that came between us. As I said, I wish to hide in them forever. I wish to just dwell in them. I wish to just stop feeling so miserable yet sometimes I really can't help feeling so low. I am honestly still hoping that everything would be fine for both of us and our kids. I truly wish that things will just fall into its right place soon. It's hard pretending you are strong. I usually breakdown. I wish things would just end. I wish the pain to go away. I wish the pain would just go away. Pain, please leave me like he did. Just leave me.